So here I go..I am starting to blog, yes I have done it a few times here and there but I am ready to start again and be consistent. I absolutely love to write. I love to get my emotions out and assign specific words to accompany the deep feelings that I feel. Yes, I feel deeply. If you are my friend or know me at all you will know that I love deeply, but also hurt deeply. I love my family with a passion that is unparalleled to anything I know in this world. I love my God with a deep love and unwavering faith that goes beyond what words can express. On the other hand my deep hurts are things that I daily have to push through. Rejection is at the top of the list of pains that I feel deeply. Recently I read the book Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst and learned so many valuable lessons. One of the most important things that she said is the fastest way to ruin relationships is to make up the words they say to you in your head. For example, have you ever had an entire conversation with someone in your head? You may have made up all kinds of things that they never even thought! Then when they talk to you, you may blow things way out of proportion due to the thoughts you assigned them! I know this is something I am really working on.
More importantly I have learned that if I am secure in who I am and who God says I am the rejection doesn’t hurt so bad because I am accepted and loved by someone way more important, the creator of the universe! I still can’t even fathom the depth of His love. I get glimpses of it here and there as He softly whispers into my mind words of love or answers a prayer. Sometimes He even shows his love to me through people..or maybe even angels..
A few weeks ago on a cold and rainy night I went to get groceries. After over an hour of getting just the right foods for my family I was ready to check out. The man behind the cash register was humming softly. His wrinkled hands and face showed his age and wisdom. He began speaking to me in broken English..I couldn’t make out many of the words he spoke but he told me that God speaks to him. He looked deep into my eyes and said ” I see pain and sorrow” Shocked I looked down trying to hold back the tears. How could this man know my deep thoughts? How could he know the intensity of my pain? He continued talking as I caught about every 20 words, nodding I acknowledged his words even though I couldn’t understand them. Then he looked at me again intently and said “God is going to bless you.” Again I stood there stunned by his words. Could he really be that connected to God, could his words really be true? As he continued scanning my groceries and talking he looked at me again and said “I don’t know when, but God is going to bless you. And remember to always forgive.” As I walked away the tears began to fall, suddenly overwhelmed by the love of God. God had used this humble man to speak to me on a night that I desperately needed encouragement and love. I have been back to the store several times in the past few weeks looking for him and I have never seen him again. I have been wondering, could he have been an angel? Angel or man God used him to speak into my life and I am thankful.
I am thankful for all the times when God has healed my wounded heart and overshadowed all the pain with the power of His love. So although I still love deeply and hurt deeply I know that my deep hurts will always be mended by the ultimate healer 🙂